When Childhood Bullying Becomes Attachment Trauma
Bullying Isn’t Just a School Problem, it Can Stay With You
We often point to family dynamics (absent parents, emotional enmeshment, or insecure bonds) as the roots of attachment trauma. But there's another path that’s less talked about and just as damaging: childhood bullying.
For many of us, especially in BIPOC communities, bullying wasn't just an isolated moment. It became a core wound that shaped how we relate, trust, and feel safe in relationships. This post is inspired in part by a recent Bert Show clip that surfaced the emotional weight bullying still carries into adulthood. It was a reminder that healing stories like this need space to breathe.
What Research Says: Bullying Can Warp Attachment Styles
Therapists practicing attachment-informed care know trauma isn’t exclusive to violence. It’s actually anything that fractures a child’s sense of safety and belonging. Research shows that:
Victims of bullying often exhibit insecure attachment styles, like anxious or avoidant patterns, which impact emotional regulation and trust in others.
Individuals with insecure attachment may be more prone to being targeted by bullies in the first place.
School bullying correlates with long-term mental health struggles: PTSD, anxiety, depression, and relational disconnection.
When these attachment wounds go unhealed, they echo across decisions like how we love, when we trust, and whether we feel safe being ourselves.
Lived Experience: BIPOC Voices in Pop Culture & Collective Memory
Think of the “mean girls” dynamics in films like Mean Girls 2 or the viral TikToks where creators re-enact cafeteria taunts. These aren’t just cultural moments—they echo lived experiences that shape our emotional blueprints.
Public figures like Gabrielle Union and Taraji P. Henson have spoken about being othered, bullied, and misunderstood as young Black girls. These stories remind us: bullying doesn’t just end when school does. It lives in the nervous system, shaping how we show up as adults.
How Bullying Hijacks Attachment in Adulthood
If your younger self internalized: “I’m not safe with others,” you might now:
Feel hypervigilant in close relationships, always bracing for betrayal
Distrust compliments or kindness, waiting for the other shoe to drop
Avoid vulnerability because emotional exposure once led to shame
Over-function or people-please, trying to earn belonging through perfection
These aren’t “quirks”—they’re adaptive strategies from a time when you had to survive emotionally hostile environments.
What Attachment-Informed Therapy Can Do
Attachment therapy doesn’t just unpack your past. It helps you build new neural pathways of safety and connection. Here’s what that looks like:
Witnessing the wound: “You were targeted when you were vulnerable. That wasn’t your fault.”
Relearning safety in group or therapeutic relationships, where you’re seen and safe.
Processing shame through somatic and narrative work. Not just talking, but integrating.
Reclaiming internal security, so your self-worth isn’t dictated by someone else’s opinion of you.
Why Now? And What You Can Do
We’re seeing a cultural shift. From shows like Insecure and P-Valley, to IG Lives that name trauma and talk therapy with fluency—we’re healing out loud. Emotional visibility matters.
If you’re a therapist, educator, or creative working at the intersection of trauma and storytelling, let’s talk. Whether it’s speaking, consulting, or collaborating, these are the stories we need to elevate.
And if you're someone still carrying the echo of schoolyard shame:
You’re not broken. You were hurt.
Healing is your right, not your weakness.
Let’s Support Anti-Bullying Work
Want to take this conversation beyond the blog?
Visit Stand for the Silent, the anti-bullying organization highlighted on The Bert Show. They’re doing powerful advocacy and prevention work across schools and communities nationwide.
