Why Saying No Feels So Hard — and How to Reclaim Your Boundaries
For so many women I work with (especially BIPOC women balancing caregiving, careers, and community) saying no feels impossible. Even when you know you’re overextended, the word gets stuck in your throat.
This isn’t just about scheduling or time. From an attachment perspective, saying yes when you want to say no often comes from early lessons about what it took to stay safe, loved, or chosen.
That’s why I loved a recent piece from my colleague at The Unbothered Therapist. She breaks down why boundaries are so hard to hold and how to begin reclaiming your voice. I want to highlight a few of her key points here, because they resonate with what I see in my clients every day.
Highlighted Takeaways
We confuse saying no with rejection. For many of us, “no” feels like we’re disappointing or abandoning someone—even when protecting our own limits.
The approval loop. Early attachment wounds can wire us to equate saying yes with being lovable. Breaking that cycle requires re-learning that love doesn’t have to cost your well-being.
Boundaries as self-attunement. Every no is actually a yes to something else: your rest, your health, your priorities.
(For her full post and examples, read here → tips for setting healthy boundaries)
In my own practice, I see how hard this shift can be. Boundaries aren’t just a skill, they’re emotional work. They ask us to confront fears of rejection, challenge generational expectations, and trust that our worth isn’t tied to how much we do for others.
It’s not easy. But it is possible.
Closing Thought:
Saying no isn’t selfish, it’s survival. And reclaiming your boundaries is one of the bravest forms of healing work.
✨ If you’re navigating this right now, you don’t have to do it alone. My therapy groups are a safe space to practice these shifts in real time so you can move from people-pleasing to self-attunement.
