Why Change Trips Up the Nervous System and How Attachment Healing Can Help
Change shouldn’t feel like betrayal, but sometimes it does. For many of us carrying unresolved attachment wounds, even the most welcome life shifts can activate a deep sense of alarm. My work centers on helping you understand that reaction, name it, and gently guide yourself through it.
When Change Feels Like a Threat
Life transitions: starting a new job, entering a relationship, moving to a new city, can stir up more than surface-level nerves. They often awaken early attachment patterns stored deep in the nervous system. Even when you're excited about what’s ahead, your body might tighten, your heart might race, or you might suddenly feel emotionally flooded. These are signs that your system is remembering something. Not necessarily the situation, but the feeling of unpredictability or fear.
Why Your Nervous System Reacts This Way
Your brain learned long ago what felt unsafe, especially during your earliest experiences with care and connection. If change used to signal instability, your body may still respond that way, even if the threat is no longer real. Attachment patterns, especially anxious or avoidant ones, don't just live in your thoughts. They live in your body. The good news is that this wiring isn't permanent.
Healing begins with awareness. Attachment is not set in stone. It can be reshaped through safe, consistent experiences of connection. Every time you pause, reflect, or respond with care, you are creating new neural pathways. That is the foundation of earned secure attachment.
What Change Might Look Like in Real Life
You might feel a wave of self-doubt when your boss asks you to lead a new project. Or maybe a friend setting a boundary triggers a fear of being rejected. These aren't overreactions. They’re deeply embedded patterns formed from early emotional blueprints. Your nervous system is simply doing what it was trained to do—protect you.
How to Soothe the Nervous System During Change
Here are some ways to respond when change stirs up old patterns:
Name What’s Happening
Saying something like, “My body feels unsafe, but I know I am okay,” can help your nervous system begin to calm.Create Small Grounding Rituals
A consistent morning routine, a calming scent, or a few deep breaths can signal safety to your body.Lean on Safe Relationships
Healing happens in connection. Sharing your experience with someone who feels emotionally safe can remind your system that you’re not alone.Try Attachment-Informed Therapy
This type of therapy goes beyond insight. It offers a reparative experience of connection, safety, and trust—sometimes for the first time.
You’re Not Broken for Feeling This Way
If change has ever left you overwhelmed, it's not because you're weak or unprepared. It’s likely because your nervous system learned to associate change with uncertainty or emotional loss. That doesn't mean you're stuck with those responses forever. With care, practice, and the right support, you can retrain your system to experience change as something expansive, not threatening.
When you’re ready to shift from fear to trust, from reaction to grounded response, I’m here.
SOURCES:
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect dysregulation and disorders of the self. Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology. W. W. Norton & Company.
The Attachment Project. (2023). Attachment styles and stress responses. https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/attachment-styles-and-stress-responses/
The Attachment Project. (2023). Earned secure attachment: Is change possible? https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/earned-secure-attachment/
Wright, K. (2023, July 13). Do attachment styles change over time? A neuroscience-backed look at earned security. https://medium.com/@attachmentstyles/do-attachment-styles-change-over-time-a-neuroscience-backed-look-at-earned-security-6fda761c5792
Zilberstein, K. (2014). Neurobiologically informed trauma therapy with children and adolescents: Understanding mechanisms of change. Clinical Social Work Journal, 42(1), 41–49. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-013-0457-8
